an open letter from artie grein there's this joke people tell, but it isn't really a joke: the sadder a comedian is, the funnier he is. a friend of mine used to tell this joke in direct correlation to me. he'd say, "art, that's why you're so happy. because you aren't funny." i liked it so much, i stole the line for my act. i liked the way it made me sound; i wanted to be happy, i wanted to be well liked. i wanted to be something different from the usual sad clown cocktail. i wasn't really, but i wanted to be. there's this strange thing about aging and being unhappy - you start to measure time in moods. you think, maybe in a week, i'll be happy. or maybe not this week. maybe after the weekend. there was a time when i would think of this in yearly increments. this wasn't a good year, but next year, maybe then. life becomes a waiting game. it becomes harder to rationalize what you're waiting for, and you start to think you should be proactive about it. you do things like stay out too late or drink too much or party too hard. after a while, maybe you start to slip. i've been slipping for a long time. it feels really odd to be writing this. at first i didn't want to. i told lorne michaels about my plans for my vacation, and he told me, "you need to write about this, because people will find out, and they'll make up stories." initially i thought it would be better to put out a statement. something completely devoid of my touch, maybe written by a college kid interning at a publicist's office. something like, "artie grein is going to chill out for awhile and he asks for privacy and respect and whatever. love this job. #blessed" but that would be disingenous and gross. what kind of person uses hashtags in a pr statement? i couldn't do that to you guys. nothing in my life has ever made me happier than the tonight show. i am indebted forever to lorne, and to nbc, and especially to my audience. you're the reason i get out of bed every day. you're the reason i shower. you're the reason i feel comfortable enough to be so candid. you're the reason for a lot of things. it sounds ridiculous to say, maybe even melodramatic, but it's the truth. that's why i decided to write this. because i'm not the guy who releases a pr statement. i'm the guy who talks to you this way, because whoever you are, you're my friend. i want the best for you, and if you're feeling this way too, i want you to know you're not the only one. i'm right there with you. if you're feeling sad, and you need to talk to somebody, please do that. don't be embarrassed. if you don't have anyone in your life you feel okay talking to, i understand. i've been there. here's a number you can call: (212) 673-3000. i've called it before, and they're good people who want to help. trust me. my name is arthur grein. i have struggled with depression for many years, and for the next two weeks (and beyond) i will be seeking care. i ask for privacy and respect and whatever. be good to each other. i love you all and i'll see you soon.